When I first injured my foot back in July, I scoured the internet looking for similar experiences so that I can self-diagnose and get a sense of what I was dealing with. I managed to figure out based on my symptoms and lack of movement in my big toe that I had severed the EHL Tendon on my right foot.
Medically there wasn’t much out there with the exception of Wikipedia’s definition. I did find a stupendous personal account from a woman who documented her experience in a medical journal. My intent was not to document the medical process of what I was going through, rather the physiological and psychological aspects of this event on my life. I wanted to share these experiences with some of my close friends, family, colleagues and whoever happens to come across my journal. It would also help me keep my sanity as I sit here day after day confined at home.
Some of the conversations I had previous to my surgery were in relation to how lucky I was going to be to stay home and chill, watch television, movies etc. These were never really my sentiments; I rarely watch television and I’m not the stay home type. I prefer to be out and about-yes even at work. I enjoy my work and the environment I work in. I miss my time and association with my colleagues. I am lucky that I have a wonderful support unit at home; otherwise this journey would have been much more cruel and depressing than it already is.
I will continue to give the grim and glamorous details on my foot and all the emotions involved with it. I by no means take pleasure in displaying my feet on the internet. I don’t really want to end up on any freaky foot fetish websites. LOL! However for all intensive purposes the photographs will be displayed from time to time. I will include some of the interactions I’ve had with people and how I’m affected by them and all that is around me.
I want to say Thank you to those who have been reading and I hope you’re getting a feel for my humour, as dry as it may be…
Perspective, it’s all about perspective.
Wednesday, 31 August 2011
Tuesday, 30 August 2011
The Spectacle: Severed EHL Tendon- 2 week Post-Op
There was a bit of anticipation leading up to this day, partly because I was going to the hospital to see Dr. S and have him remove the cast to see what lay underneath and partly because this was the first time I was leaving my home in about 2 weeks. We arrived at the hospital at 9:15 for my appointment, dealt with the usual hospital administrivia and then was immediately called into another waiting room within the fracture clinic. I waited for about an hour and was starting to get a bit antsy when Dr. S popped in, we exchanged pleasantries and he called in the fracture guru Domenic (Orthopaedic Technologist) to remove the cast.
…And so this is when the spectacle began (did I mention that regrettably I had refrained from taking any pain medication prior to my hospital venture this morning?). Domenic who is a stone cold veteran at casting and removal popped out his trusty scissors from his back pocket and started snipping away at the soft part of my cast. Image 1.
I was squirming and begging him to please be careful as the top side of my foot is stitched up (I mention I had a severed EHL tendon repair) and is extremely tender to the touch. As the soft cast began to loosen there was a sudden surge of pain in my foot. The protection and stability of the cast were no longer there. My foot was bruised and red-it looked hideous...Zipper foot, Freakfoot you name it. I couldn't move it. Dr S paid me a visit again once the cast had been removed. He had me put the tiniest bit of pressure with his thumb against my big toe. The tears were flowing by now. The only positive thing at this very moment was my ability to gain a visual of my scar; I was pleased that it was much smaller than originally anticipated. Dr. S had successfully found my original tendon and was able to braid it together. Albeit my toe is still severely dorsiflexed forward; with time and plenty of rehabilitation it will stretch out naturally and even out with the rest of its mates. Image 2.
The new cast would have to be a full "hard" cast, which meant they had to set my foot at a 90 degree angle. My foot was stiff and extremely sore, so with the help of Domenic and my hubby, they both took turns at flexing my foot upwards.
Now let me preface this by saying I have 2 glorious children, each of which put me through an average of 32 hours of labour without a peep from me. I will now chalk this up to being a labour of love. By the usual standards I have a very high tolerance for pain.
However, I am embarrassed to say that my behavior today during this ordeal shocked even me. No matter how much I tried to think of the Greater Good, Peace on Earth etc, or even the old Nut Up or Shut Up I could not help but scream out all the profanities that were in my repertoire. I apologized after each filthy cluster to those around me and to those listening in the halls. It was murder. It was still imperative that my foot is cast at 90 degrees-- no exceptions!
After much pain and sweat by all parties, he finally expertly casts it in the colour of my choice; black of course. He kindly gives me his card and says that if I find it too uncomfortable after a few days I should return and he will recast. This saddens me as it makes me think he was unable to really do it right the first time because of drama that just unfolded. He reassures me that he has witnessed much worse, and that the level of pain associated in the feet is almost unmatched by any other.
I'm at a full 10 out of 10 for pain now and my foot is screaming for my Oxycodone. The outing which I was really looking forward to was trumped by a whole new "style" of pain as I turned another corner on this journey.
It's time to go home and submit my mind, body and soul down the rabbit hole once again.... Which retrospectively is when I write this….
Monday, 29 August 2011
Broken Record
Tomorrow is a big day- I finally get to discuss with Dr. S what his opinions were on the surgery and what potentially is the rate of success at this point. He will remove my sutures and recast my foot once again, likely for another 6-8 weeks.
In the meantime I’ve been reducing the dosages of my medication (Oxycodone) for the past few days. I can safely say that I am by no means an addict by the true definition; however I have identified the sneaky wayward style that this medication can creep into your life and your mind. I can spend days sleeping feeling extreme lethargy to the point that I won’t even eat. I will then bounce back and have a tremendous appetite with a rejuvenated spirit.
I’ve also been feeling dazed, forgetful and have had a few sleepless nights. Every time I close my eyes; my body experiences a jerking feeling or weird tremors especially in my affected leg. I have really bad headaches and feelings of nausea. My body aches constantly, although I haven’t figured out if this is due to the effects of the medication or because I’m sitting on my butt all the time! Lather, rinse, repeat.
I find myself a bit irritable and short tempered (haha more than usual!) I will discuss these issues with the Specialist tomorrow.
In the meantime I’ve been reducing the dosages of my medication (Oxycodone) for the past few days. I can safely say that I am by no means an addict by the true definition; however I have identified the sneaky wayward style that this medication can creep into your life and your mind. I can spend days sleeping feeling extreme lethargy to the point that I won’t even eat. I will then bounce back and have a tremendous appetite with a rejuvenated spirit.
I’ve also been feeling dazed, forgetful and have had a few sleepless nights. Every time I close my eyes; my body experiences a jerking feeling or weird tremors especially in my affected leg. I have really bad headaches and feelings of nausea. My body aches constantly, although I haven’t figured out if this is due to the effects of the medication or because I’m sitting on my butt all the time! Lather, rinse, repeat.
I find myself a bit irritable and short tempered (haha more than usual!) I will discuss these issues with the Specialist tomorrow.
Sunday, 28 August 2011
One slip and it's over...
To no surprise I had a sore restless night. I wanted to do something for myself today.
My hubby has been assisting me in the last week or so with my bathing missions. They are exactly that- missions. All fantasy and frolic aside, it tends to be an arduous task with plenty of accelerated tempers and lots and lots of splashing. Prior to any water activity the cast must be wrapped and sealed in a bag. It doesn’t help that we have a full (and deep) soaker tub in our master ensuite with one of those shower heads attached to a hose which is too high for me to reach. Imagine climbing Mount Everest with a cast on and no underpants. Being the Queen of impulse and independence I decide this morning that I want to bathe by myself.
I brainstormed with all good intent the supplies required and set the stage. Roll a towel on the ledge of the tub; this will be used to rest my casted leg onto. Prep all my bathing accoutrements; bubbles, salts, scrubs etc. I sit on the ledge and swing my good leg into the tub, I gently lower myself down, while my casted leg is propped on the ledge. I’m in. With my good foot I turn the tap on and set the temperature, I literally have one shot at this. It’s a bit lukewarm but tolerable .With my toe I gently inch the tap’s water temperature a little bit higher. Got it.
I didn’t take into accountant how slippery the tub would become once I started adding all the bath water additives. With some careful navigating and patience I was able to stabilize my body from slithering around. Hubby came in to check on the situation- make sure I wasn’t drowning. He really wanted to film this mocumentary. I cannot comment on the dialogue that transpired back and forth at this time. Moving on...
I soaked and soaked some more. This is one of my favorite past times and I didn’t want to give it up just yet. It took such a tremendous effort to get to this point, I wanted to savour every second. However all good things must come to an end. I pull the drain in the tub and wait for all the water to drain out. There was no point in attempting an exit while there was water in the tub. Futile.
I calculated the trajectory of hoisting myself up on to the ledge in one swoop with my arms. {I must mention that I refrained from taking my Oxycodone this morning in order to perform these tasks}. Prior to this I dry my hands thoroughly and the area where I will be placing my hands. One wrong move in this plan could prove to be very costly. Imagine a male gymnast performing on a pommel horse-same idea. The arms are doing all the work. One, two, three.. Success--this time. I mentally give myself a small pat on the back. I celebrate my success by applying some mascara to my eyelashes!
I feel good, small and insignificant but good.
My hubby has been assisting me in the last week or so with my bathing missions. They are exactly that- missions. All fantasy and frolic aside, it tends to be an arduous task with plenty of accelerated tempers and lots and lots of splashing. Prior to any water activity the cast must be wrapped and sealed in a bag. It doesn’t help that we have a full (and deep) soaker tub in our master ensuite with one of those shower heads attached to a hose which is too high for me to reach. Imagine climbing Mount Everest with a cast on and no underpants. Being the Queen of impulse and independence I decide this morning that I want to bathe by myself.
I brainstormed with all good intent the supplies required and set the stage. Roll a towel on the ledge of the tub; this will be used to rest my casted leg onto. Prep all my bathing accoutrements; bubbles, salts, scrubs etc. I sit on the ledge and swing my good leg into the tub, I gently lower myself down, while my casted leg is propped on the ledge. I’m in. With my good foot I turn the tap on and set the temperature, I literally have one shot at this. It’s a bit lukewarm but tolerable .With my toe I gently inch the tap’s water temperature a little bit higher. Got it.
I didn’t take into accountant how slippery the tub would become once I started adding all the bath water additives. With some careful navigating and patience I was able to stabilize my body from slithering around. Hubby came in to check on the situation- make sure I wasn’t drowning. He really wanted to film this mocumentary. I cannot comment on the dialogue that transpired back and forth at this time. Moving on...
I soaked and soaked some more. This is one of my favorite past times and I didn’t want to give it up just yet. It took such a tremendous effort to get to this point, I wanted to savour every second. However all good things must come to an end. I pull the drain in the tub and wait for all the water to drain out. There was no point in attempting an exit while there was water in the tub. Futile.
I calculated the trajectory of hoisting myself up on to the ledge in one swoop with my arms. {I must mention that I refrained from taking my Oxycodone this morning in order to perform these tasks}. Prior to this I dry my hands thoroughly and the area where I will be placing my hands. One wrong move in this plan could prove to be very costly. Imagine a male gymnast performing on a pommel horse-same idea. The arms are doing all the work. One, two, three.. Success--this time. I mentally give myself a small pat on the back. I celebrate my success by applying some mascara to my eyelashes!
I feel good, small and insignificant but good.
Friday, 26 August 2011
Daydream in Blue
Daydream in Blue
http://youtu.be/_HsLv4VQvUI
Love does not consist of gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction. (A. Melious)
I woke up to the sound of French Music coming from my living room. My hubby peaks his head into the bedroom and says he’s got a surprise for me. I lazily drag my butt to the commode, brush my teeth, pull my hair back into a fresh ponytail and pray there isn’t an audience waiting for me in my living room. In my pj’s I open the bedroom door into a mini French Oasis for breakfast. It is our wedding anniversary today.
My eyes are nearly popping out of my head to the savoury greetings on the coffee table. I assume my usual position on my sofa and plant long and sweet kisses all over my hubby’s face in gratitude. He wanted to recreate a small scene that was ours years ago in the streets of Paris. He hit the jackpot! It transported me to that time and place and the beauty that is us; best friends and partners in adventure.
I met him when I was a junior in high school, he was a senior; Mr. Popular, I was Ms. Nerd. We lost touch after high school. We met up again at a watering hole on Bloor and Bathurst years later. My friends noticed the tall handsome and chiseled gentleman across the bar with a young lady. That hottie gentleman was Anthony. I was in combat boots, a homemade skirt and had raccoon eyes. I was head deep in Grand Marnier on the rocks and cigarettes. I called out his name regardless; he came over and after a few quick transpositions of “how are you’s” and “Oh my God’s”, we exchanged phone numbers. 2 weeks later we both broke up with our SO’s and the rest is history…
We are definitely the classic case of opposites attract…So here we are 20 years later celebrating our 16th anniversary. New age math. He is always there to pick me up when I’ve fallen down. If I fall off my pedestal, he will hoist me up even higher than before. Unconditional Love. He is a wonderful father and an amazing husband. I’m grateful that he never gives up on me.
The road is sometimes rocky in marriage and relationships, but the journey is always the most important part of the adventure.
Happy Anniversary.
http://youtu.be/_HsLv4VQvUI
Love does not consist of gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction. (A. Melious)
I woke up to the sound of French Music coming from my living room. My hubby peaks his head into the bedroom and says he’s got a surprise for me. I lazily drag my butt to the commode, brush my teeth, pull my hair back into a fresh ponytail and pray there isn’t an audience waiting for me in my living room. In my pj’s I open the bedroom door into a mini French Oasis for breakfast. It is our wedding anniversary today.
I met him when I was a junior in high school, he was a senior; Mr. Popular, I was Ms. Nerd. We lost touch after high school. We met up again at a watering hole on Bloor and Bathurst years later. My friends noticed the tall handsome and chiseled gentleman across the bar with a young lady. That hottie gentleman was Anthony. I was in combat boots, a homemade skirt and had raccoon eyes. I was head deep in Grand Marnier on the rocks and cigarettes. I called out his name regardless; he came over and after a few quick transpositions of “how are you’s” and “Oh my God’s”, we exchanged phone numbers. 2 weeks later we both broke up with our SO’s and the rest is history…
We are definitely the classic case of opposites attract…So here we are 20 years later celebrating our 16th anniversary. New age math. He is always there to pick me up when I’ve fallen down. If I fall off my pedestal, he will hoist me up even higher than before. Unconditional Love. He is a wonderful father and an amazing husband. I’m grateful that he never gives up on me.
The road is sometimes rocky in marriage and relationships, but the journey is always the most important part of the adventure.
Happy Anniversary.
Thursday, 25 August 2011
Severed EHL Tendon-1 week Post-Op
I’ve been trying to wean myself off the OxyCodone’s. The list of side effects is mounting and I’m really not feeling that great. Headaches,dizziness, dry throat, my voice is sometimes hoarse and the weirdest bouts of the hiccups aligned with the lethargy and fatigue; I feel like I’m being drained. My moods are becoming a bit more agitated, and I feel like a volcano that needs to erupt. I took another tumble today, most likely because of the constant imbalance I feel when I stand up (albeit on one leg). My left leg is taking the brunt of my weight and exertion. I’m a disaster on crutches.
I was a bit curious on the success of my surgery; I attempted today to wiggle my big toe on my right foot. (Flashback to Kill Bill, Volume 1-The Bride: ”Wiggle your big toe”. My own meek and painful attempt at trying to be funny.) I managed to wiggle it a smidge forward, however of course the pain was pulsing through my foot like a house on fire. No pain-no gain? Not in this case.
The itchiness within the cast is sometimes intolerable. I’ve been tempted to slide a chopstick down the cast and just giving myself a good scratch. I’ve decided against that; most likely because I don’t really know how high up the stitches go and I shudder to think the impact if I rip them open. I just fantasize that I am giving my foot a good scratch and that seems to help. I put that aside to my list of “…Adding to my agitation”.
This endeavour is being handled one day at a time and I want to keep up my positive thinking. I have 7 more weeks with a no weight bearing cast on, then months to rehabilitate and learn how to walk again.
Focus and Come Back
I was a bit curious on the success of my surgery; I attempted today to wiggle my big toe on my right foot. (Flashback to Kill Bill, Volume 1-The Bride: ”Wiggle your big toe”. My own meek and painful attempt at trying to be funny.) I managed to wiggle it a smidge forward, however of course the pain was pulsing through my foot like a house on fire. No pain-no gain? Not in this case.
The itchiness within the cast is sometimes intolerable. I’ve been tempted to slide a chopstick down the cast and just giving myself a good scratch. I’ve decided against that; most likely because I don’t really know how high up the stitches go and I shudder to think the impact if I rip them open. I just fantasize that I am giving my foot a good scratch and that seems to help. I put that aside to my list of “…Adding to my agitation”.
This endeavour is being handled one day at a time and I want to keep up my positive thinking. I have 7 more weeks with a no weight bearing cast on, then months to rehabilitate and learn how to walk again.
Focus and Come Back
Wednesday, 24 August 2011
Movie and Book Review
I’ve decided to acquiesce one of my followers, who wants to know what I’m reading and watching, so here it goes:
There may be spoilers in the content..LOL!!!
Rio (x7): Yes that 7 times I have watched this flick. It’s an animated film about a Blue Macaw who is raised in Minnesota in a white suburban lifestyle as Tyler Blu Gunderson. He is set in his ways and is not willing to change his lifestyle for anyone; he is socially awkward. He can’t fly, never needed to learn in his comfy confines of a bookstore in Minnesota. He is the last living blue Macaw and must mate with a fiery and spirited bird named Jewel (also a Blue Macaw) in Rio de Janeiro. Throughout the film they are chained together by would be poachers who plan to sell them. His inability to fly hampers most of their attempted escapes. They make bird friends along the way who aspire to assist them in their escapes; meanwhile these friends try to make Blu understand that Jewel is the “one” for him. In the big finale her wing is broken and she is unable to fly out of a pilotless plane that is about to crash. Blu finally understands that his life would have no meaning without her and he must get over his inhibitions quickly in order to save her life. He flexes his wings and takes a huge leap; of faith and rescues her. Classic tale of- guy should know a good thing when he has it.
District 9: I’m a sucker for Sci-fi. Aliens land on earth; specifically Johannesburg, South Africa, they become stranded because their mother ship needs repair. They live on earth for about 20 years and of course multiply. They are segregated by the humans in their own alien slum community. The main human character Wikus becomes infected by one of their concentrated liquid enzymes and begins to transform into one of the aliens. He eventually turns into a full form alien which humans call “prawns”. Poor Wikus.
Moon: A psychological trip for the protagonist Sam. He works on a space station on the moon which harvests Helium-3. The Helium-3 is sent back to earth as an energy source. Sam is led to believe that he has a 3 year tenor with the company Lunar Industries and that once his contract expires he will go back to earth. In truth there are hundreds of (Sam) clones buried within the space station in stasis. Once the 3 year contract is up, each Sam clone has a psychological meltdown and begins to die. In this case a new Sam is awakened prematurely. Both Sams discover Lunar Industries clone plot and that they will never really return to earth. Gerty the artificial intelligence assistant aids in one of the Sam’s escape back to earth to expose this conspiracy.
Jackie Brown: starring Pam Grier, need I say more. Hot mama outsmarts a two bit gun dealer who is smuggling cash in from his shady dealings in Mexico. She gets the last laugh in the end- and the money.
Stephen King’s, Full Dark, No Stars: 1922, The Driver, Fair Extension & A Good Marriage.
This is a short story collection with the usual Stephen King signature; people whose ego makes them do futile things. They pay for their misjudgements in the end.
The Walking Dead graphic novels.
Volume 1-Days Gone By: We are introduced to Rick the main character that has awoken from a coma only to realize life as he knew has ceased to exist. His family has disappeared and the world has been infected by Zombie like beings. He begins his quest to find his family and meets survivors along the way.
Volume 2-Miles Behind Us: Rick is reunited with his family, they have gathered in a small RV with some other survivors. Rick takes on the leadership role within the group and we start to witness the perils the group must endure for survival. They occasionally lose members of their group to the Zombies. However as they roam they discover there are other survivors. There is a constant struggle for leadership and a dismal testament that people will not always band together but selfishly risk the lives of others for their own gain.
There may be spoilers in the content..LOL!!!
Rio (x7): Yes that 7 times I have watched this flick. It’s an animated film about a Blue Macaw who is raised in Minnesota in a white suburban lifestyle as Tyler Blu Gunderson. He is set in his ways and is not willing to change his lifestyle for anyone; he is socially awkward. He can’t fly, never needed to learn in his comfy confines of a bookstore in Minnesota. He is the last living blue Macaw and must mate with a fiery and spirited bird named Jewel (also a Blue Macaw) in Rio de Janeiro. Throughout the film they are chained together by would be poachers who plan to sell them. His inability to fly hampers most of their attempted escapes. They make bird friends along the way who aspire to assist them in their escapes; meanwhile these friends try to make Blu understand that Jewel is the “one” for him. In the big finale her wing is broken and she is unable to fly out of a pilotless plane that is about to crash. Blu finally understands that his life would have no meaning without her and he must get over his inhibitions quickly in order to save her life. He flexes his wings and takes a huge leap; of faith and rescues her. Classic tale of- guy should know a good thing when he has it.
District 9: I’m a sucker for Sci-fi. Aliens land on earth; specifically Johannesburg, South Africa, they become stranded because their mother ship needs repair. They live on earth for about 20 years and of course multiply. They are segregated by the humans in their own alien slum community. The main human character Wikus becomes infected by one of their concentrated liquid enzymes and begins to transform into one of the aliens. He eventually turns into a full form alien which humans call “prawns”. Poor Wikus.
Moon: A psychological trip for the protagonist Sam. He works on a space station on the moon which harvests Helium-3. The Helium-3 is sent back to earth as an energy source. Sam is led to believe that he has a 3 year tenor with the company Lunar Industries and that once his contract expires he will go back to earth. In truth there are hundreds of (Sam) clones buried within the space station in stasis. Once the 3 year contract is up, each Sam clone has a psychological meltdown and begins to die. In this case a new Sam is awakened prematurely. Both Sams discover Lunar Industries clone plot and that they will never really return to earth. Gerty the artificial intelligence assistant aids in one of the Sam’s escape back to earth to expose this conspiracy.
Jackie Brown: starring Pam Grier, need I say more. Hot mama outsmarts a two bit gun dealer who is smuggling cash in from his shady dealings in Mexico. She gets the last laugh in the end- and the money.
Stephen King’s, Full Dark, No Stars: 1922, The Driver, Fair Extension & A Good Marriage.
This is a short story collection with the usual Stephen King signature; people whose ego makes them do futile things. They pay for their misjudgements in the end.
The Walking Dead graphic novels.
Volume 1-Days Gone By: We are introduced to Rick the main character that has awoken from a coma only to realize life as he knew has ceased to exist. His family has disappeared and the world has been infected by Zombie like beings. He begins his quest to find his family and meets survivors along the way.
Volume 2-Miles Behind Us: Rick is reunited with his family, they have gathered in a small RV with some other survivors. Rick takes on the leadership role within the group and we start to witness the perils the group must endure for survival. They occasionally lose members of their group to the Zombies. However as they roam they discover there are other survivors. There is a constant struggle for leadership and a dismal testament that people will not always band together but selfishly risk the lives of others for their own gain.
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